Don't Brush your Teeth with a Bowl of Frosted Flakes

How many times is the mantra on any way of eating to be prepared?

Notice I admit willingly I dropped out of Girl Scouts at an early age, and preparation has been my way of life only rarely. I tend to fly by the seat of my extra big jumpers, but when it comes to things in general, it’s not so good to be this unprepared.

Case in point: Tuesday night.

I was at a meeting and literally starving the entire time. I KNEW I should have made oopsie rolls that morning so that I could have been prepared to have my face meet with a bacon guacamole burger. HA! I hadn’t made any food to take with me, thinking it’s be simple to just grab something on the way home. I ended up at Carl’s Jr and ate half of their taco salad instead.

Gasp. Swoon. Yes, I know it’s a high-carb food item. With the beans, the bowl, and whatever the heck coats the meat (hopefully it’s not Carl Jr), I was never under any assumptions I was getting something that was induction friendly.

Still, my attitude is that this is a way of living for LIFE, there are going to be those days you have something that you want because it’s decadent.

The problem was as such:

I am noshing down some righteousness and am STUFFED half way through the salad. You’re probably like, “OMG! That’s so great! You stopped eating it, right?”

Danged tootin. I didn’t mind not finishing something. High carb or not, you don’t fall face first into a taco salad and eat your way out or else drown in beany delight. I had no issues not finishing the meal. In fact, I didn’t even take it with me.

I arrived at home and had a funky armpit taste in my mouth. I mean, I was smacking my lips and thinking, “This is like I ate a combat boot or something.” In my penultimate wisdom, I decided to eat a bowl of frosted flakes to remove myself from the military footwear flavor afterglow. I could say that the little flakes were crunchy, sweet, and hit the spot, coupled with some cold milk, but that’s the part where the ominous music is cued.

No sooner did I finish the bowl of cereal when I became sick. I mean REALLY stomach-wrenchingly ill.

I’m sure somewhere in the physiological manifesto there is a subtle rule, hidden under subsection ‘WTH Were you Thinking’ that says, “Thou shalt not remove the flavor from weird Mexican food knock offs with frosted flakes.”

Who knew? It seemed like an interesting idea at the time.

I had a screaming, pounding headache within 20 minutes of flakey corn syrup solid badness, and ended up in bed with misery indescribable. My legs crawled and prickled for two hours so I wasn’t even restful, and I felt like I had a hairball. I finally zonked out hours later and awoke in the morning.

Now, usually, when you have a dream that you ate something really craptacular, you get upset in the dream, you wake up, and then you smile because you know it was only a figment of your sleep cycles. WELL! Imagine this. You wake up, smack your lips together. Now you have a bad taste in your mouth, and it’s only partially because the dog fell asleep on your head. You’re not sure where you are, but you know you did a bad thing last night.

Eating a high-carb, high sodium meal should be a planned event, and something enjoyed–and then burned off via exercise later. Instead, mine was like the morning after of a raucous college party, only you’re a member of Dumba Dumba U and your mouth tastes indescribably bad. Your fingers are already swelling due to the amazing amounts of sodium in the meals you ingested, and now you have carb hangover to boot. Way to go, Ace!

Oh, I’m back on track today with no problems. I did fine yesterday, too. You have to be reasonable about this stuff. (This is a way of eating for life, so you don’t go ‘on and off’ low-carb.) If you eat something that tastes terribly afterwards, brush your teeth. Get right on the treadmill or go for a walk. Drink some water and know there’s going to be some water weight retention due to the vastnaminous amounts of sodium you just sucked into your body like Jessica Simpson does orange fake tanning spray.

Just never, whatever you do, for the love of all that is practical and not sparkly legwarmers coupled with moon boots, ever use Kelloggs products as a mouthwash.

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Comments

  1. OMG, I shouldn’t laugh at your misery, but I can’t help it. Yikes! I’m killing myself here trying not to disturb my co-workers! So sorry you were ill, though.

  2. TOO funny! Not your misery of course. The super sad part of my laughter is I totally relate. I usually swish and gargle chocolate after such episodes. (And I do not spit!!) I do hope you can post some of your day’s eating sometime. I’ve been reading your blog for a week or so and am really impressed with both your humor as well as your weight loss!

  3. cleochatra says:

    jeepifer– It was funny–save for the wanting to throw up part! I was do stupid, but I learned!

    Hopefully, there’s a positive message in there somewhere. You know. About the moon boots.

  4. cleochatra says:

    angela– Chocolate swish! Woohoo!

    I’m glad you can relate, and I’m sorry you can, too. Let my bowl of wheaty badness be a lesson to all others!

    You can’t floss with Fruit Loops!

    Thank you so much for the nice words! I’ll post what I eat sometime. Just not in the near future. I need to focus less on food as a whole and more on moving around. :0O

  5. OMG! That’s so awful – i’m so sorry!
    I totally have just blanked out on past diets and eaten bad foods, then realized my mistake.
    I pretty much keep any carb stuff out of reach, and that has seemed to help.
    Plus, after a couple episodes of feeling crappy, I’m more careful. :)

  6. cleochatra says:

    tara– I’m sorry you found out the hard way, too.

    Unfortunately, no bad foods are ever fully out of my reach. My lips would reach Dallas, Texas, if they could come into contact with a Pakistani Gyro.

    :0P

    I’m better. Tonight I had home made cream of mushroom soup, a lasagna roll up and a slice of pizza, hit the treadmill, and did some work.

    It’s good to be still on track. And I’m proud of you, too!

  7. maryg911 says:

    Sorry to hear about your mishap but this should be a lesson on how your body has detoxified from all those bad carbs, then reintroducing them put your body into major shock. I’m sure all the MSG in that Carl’s Jr food didn’t help either.

    I’m really tempted to try a shrimp scampi pizza on a zucchini crust.

    I just have to say you are frickin’ hilarious and I’m glad I found your blog for my daily laugh.

  8. cleochatra says:

    mary– thank you for the fricken’ hilarious!

    And for commiserating in such a way as to remind me I need to not be stupid, but without throwing a shoe at my head.

    Though I deserve the shoe…

  9. ROLF!
    Threadjack-they had cauliflower on sale at my market. You know what that means…….

  10. You make me laugh! I will be back to visit for more. Good luck!

    Heidi

  11. LessIsMore says:

    What a riot! Oh, not the getting sick part – poor you. But I can totally relate! At least you got back on plan the next day – I’ve had some craptacular weekends!

    I’m going to try some of your recipes today. I’ll let you know how they turn out.

  12. cleochatra says:

    ew– That means I bought all of it? I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have spilled the low-carb beans!

  13. cleochatra says:

    Heidi– thanks for your kind words and promises of more visits. I’ll try to continue the good will.

  14. cleochatra says:

    lessismore– definitely let me know how the recipes work for you. Everyone has their own way of doing things, so if you come up with something different, too, let me know.

    Here’s to a non-craptacular 48 hours of weekend bliss!

  15. Yow! Been there, done that! In my first year of low carb, after I reached my target weight, I convinced myself it was perfectly acceptable to occasionally eat a high carb meal…with desert of course. I finally stopped doing that when I realized how completely awful I felt that night and the next day. It just ain’t worth it!

  16. cleochatra says:

    Amen, sister Sarah!

    Preach it!

    For me, occasionally is going to have to be less than once per month. It’s too easy to become sloppy.

    And you’re right… no dessert. Stop at the high sodium, ankle swelling meal you have to have quarterly. And only if you have the fortitude to stay on plan afterwards.

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