Twilight movie didn’t make me throw up in my mouth a little

While I do not supporting eating disorders, vomiting is one of those ways people lose weight in reasonable circumstances. Like food poisoning. Or during the flu. Or while watching chick flicks.

Surprisingly, I saw Twilight for the first time last night and, despite wanting to hate it due to the fact that girls love it, and because of Kristen Stewart’s bizarre, antisocial behavior (she’s not even emo) and Cedric Diggory as a vampire (Robert Patten), it actually didn’t make me heave.

I admit to having read the series last summer, and it was decent. While a bit self-indulgent and rambling like David Copperfield for Teen Vampires, I made it through feeling like at least the author didn’t need to be clubbed to death with her laptop.

The film? I cringed initially. Teens everywhere emoted estrogen all over Edward Cullen’s magical forest hair, suffering slobbery smooches over his persona. I still had some issues with the movie, however, couched with some cred.

Boos

1. Robert Patten as Edward Cullen. Sorry, guys. He is not who I envisioned as perfection on a hottie stick. Patten is too emotive and not gaunt enough for be to buy he’s the emo of emoness.

2. The speed scenes. I know there are these things known as budgets, but the flying, running and jumping shizz was so cheesy, my pizza was jebbous.

3. Alice is brunette? Why did I picture Alice as a blonde? Was I smoking crack during these books?

4. The music. The movie played out like dialogue and posing placed with music rather than a scored film. Come on, people. Don’t tell me this is was supposed to be MTV, feature length. It came off more like VH1.

Coos

1. Jasper. Major cuteness! He is definitely a fabulous choice for the role.

2. Dr. Cullen. A mix between Kenneth Branaugh and a man candy, he was right on as the seemingly ‘too young’ care giver of his ‘four adopted kids’.

3. Debussy played during a scene. That pimp is pimp!

4. Cameo of the author is a must-have. With her laptop no less! Work it, Meyer!

What did you think?

 

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Comments

  1. OhYeahBabe says:

    I didn’t throw up in my mouth either, but I did laugh at a lot of moments when everyone around me was swooning. It reminded me of when my teenager told her brother that some day he’d laugh at himself for ever liking American Chillers. Some day she’ll laugh at herself for swooning at this movie. Or maybe it’ll be this generations Breakfast Club?

  2. 1956okie says:

    I saw the movie first, then read the books. So as I read, I had faces to go with the characters in my head. Some would call that bad; some good.

    Considering that I'm 52 and have teen daughters slobbering over all things Twilight, I, too, expected to hate it. BUT…I got totally sucked in (no vamp pun intended) and have enjoyed it all–the movie and the books. It's a pure teen-angst-ridden Romeo & Juliet with a supernatural twist. Low-budget, yes, but I think Catherine Hardwicke (the director) really GOT IT. Cheesy, yeah, but the books aren't supposed to be great literature, and the movies will NEVER be Oscar-worthy. As long as you realize that up front, it's easier to relax & like them for what they are…

  3. Anonymous says:

    I had a problem with this movie, and maybe I am overanalying it but look at the message they are conveying to the masses of teenage followers……it’s ok to lie to your parents, and everyone else for that matter, about being physically harmed while with your boyfriend. And the fact that she wanted to stay with him, even after he says, “being with me is dangerous”, she is so wrapped up in him that she is willing to risk her life to be with him. I wouldn’t call that an epic love story, I would call that teaching our kids that it’s ok to be in an abusive relationship as long as you “love” that person (and really, we all know how quickly we fall in and out of “love” as a teenager!). Did anyone else get that from the movie?

  4. Chai Latté says:

    I haven’t read the books, or seen the movie.. but I definitely don’t see the new obsession with Robert Pattinson.
    He looks like someone hit him in the face with a frying pan.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Robert Pattinson.

  6. Laser Rocket Arm says:

    What Anonymous said.

    I was suckered into seeing this by some ostensible adults who adored the books. The part where Edward “sparkled”? I literally fell on the floor, I was laughing so hard (much to the ire of the Twiheads).

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