In addition to the bacon goodness that comprises yesterday’s list of porcine presents, following are more gift ideas for the baconistas out there.
5. Bacon candle. Technically, this candle is part of a BLT candle trio (bacon, lettuce and tomato), but who am I to tongue throttle anyone who jhas gone to the trouble to light up my life with the aromatic scents of food? These candles run a bit steep in price, but to the true foodie, there is something to be said for a wax sammich. Go ahead punk. Light up my lunch! $33.95 for three candles.
6. Bacon air freshener. Let’s face it–some people shouldn’t be around open flames (Michael Jackson comes to mind). When your car has lost that new pork smell, it’s time to call in reinforcements in the form of the bacon air freshener.
While the product is listed at a gag gifts site, being the pork Pollyanna that I am, I’m going to assume gag doesn’t represent the smell of those brown strips of scented beauty that could dangle from your rear view mirror. $2.90
7. Bacon Floss. Dental hygeine in this nation is important, for crying out loud. Without teeth, how would we consume bacon? With the tantalizing, fresh taste of fried bacon, now the flossing conscious can clean between those pearly whites without losing that breakfast freshness.
8. Bacon flavor spray. Because you can’t lose weight eating bacon (the website speaks heresy!), this ingenious spray allows users to spray food items with this carb-free, bacon-flavored spritzer. As a tide-me-over, spray a little on those pulse points and smell like every day is another day in a Denny’s Grand Slam paradise. $5.95
9. Bacon Beer. More correctly known as smoked ale, this gift is truly two great tastes that taste great together.
Nothing says delicious inebriation like adult beverages that taste like they were fermented by the feet of little sows dancing barefoot in hops.
You know. Like that I Love Lucy Episode. $6.45 for a 22 ounce bottle.
10. Yoder’s Canned Bacon. Is there anything else in this big, wide world that hits the spot quite like a can of bacon? Now, multiply that fantasy by 12. Yoder’s sells half-cases of the stuff in one convenient order (no need to worry if there will be enough to send to the cousins again this year, my friends).
Imagine: instead of eating that boring, fresh bacon, one can pop open a can of 100% cooked and drained bacon, and pretend you’re in a Zombie shelter, fending off flesh-eating maniacs while enjoying the fresh, smoked rhythms of that sweet, canned pork music. According to Yoder’s, “Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can.” That’s a lot of holiday cheer. $119.95 per 12 cans