The King, bean cookies and stayin' alive (ah ah ah ah)

Mind the King or You Could be in Royal Trouble
You know you live a pretty sweet existence when the worst thing that happened to you today is that you went to Burger King for a Diet Coke and ended up with a regular Coke instead. It galls me because I drank some of it and paid $2 for a Diet Coke (I’m a cheap booger). I could actually feel my throat constricting and my nasal passages closing after I sipped it. I really should have returned the drink, but I elected to throw it out instead, not being sure that the second attempt would yield much better results.

Life lesson: Always check your drink before you pull away or leave! If you even suspect the drink is wrong, ask for another one. Your health is worth it—and let’s be more real here than Jessica Simpson’s tan : if you’re diabetic, sugar in a super-huge size could cause you to be pretty sick! I know I’m not even diabetic, and I can tell you that my mouth feels incredibly weird, even having had a few sips of the stuff. I feel like I horked down coconut oil or something.

Quick test for Coke versus Diet: If you suspect Diet but are too timid to request a change unless you know for certain, have a friend or kiddo taste test for you. If you’re still not sure, put a drop of the stuff on the lid and let it dry. If it turns sticky, you most likely have a corn syrup palooza on your hands.

Blah! Blech. Ptooey!
That’s not even the worst of it. I’m sitting in a school lobby right now, and needed to pour the soda out (I didn’t want the temptation of sipping away at it). I went into the staff restroom and poured the amber-colored corn syrup down the facilities, and then I flushed. I noticed that despite care, there were still some drops on the seat. I wiped the seat. Now the toilet wouldn’t flush, and the water in there looks pretty dark because I must have flushed the toilet the wrong way. (Leave it to me to flush a toilet the wrong way).

I was hoping anyone sauntering in wouldn’t question the ice floating in the toilet, but you never can tell.

TOPS weigh-in for the week
We ladies always know there are those occasional stalls due to the female body’s willingness to hold onto liquids. I weighed in the same this week. Boo! But ok. I tend to lose in spurts.

The ceremony for installing officers this week was fantastic, however! We had to write a goal for ourselves for the year, and I wrote that I would lose 150 pounds. That’s my plan! We put the slips into our notebooks in order to remind ourselves of the goal we have set for ourselves.

Punch and cookies were served at the event, and I abstained as per usual. If I’d known I’d end up narfing down nasty Coke at Burger King I would have elected to try a cookie instead! I would have enjoyed more bang for my low-carb buck.

I have to tell you this, though, because it shows how differently I think than friends who follow low-fat, low-calorie diets.

Today, Sally brought the cookies to the ceremony. She stood up and she said, “I altered these cookies to make them so that they were healthier.”

She had me. I was ready! I was going to eat a low-carb cookie!

Then she said, “So, in order to make them healthy, I cut out the fat, and replaced the fat with beans.” I’ll bet I looked like someone done took away my birthday.

Without the fat, yeah, you might cut some calories, but holy heck in Hampton! You’re just going to be starving again in a few minutes– especially coupled with the punch that was served. I was dejected.

This is what happens when you forget to say “no”.
I am a team leader for a challenge now. Because I’m so motivational (replace with the term “am a sucker”) I’m going to keep a team of 14 ladies motivated to lose weight for 6 weeks. No problem, save for the fact that I don’t know the names of half of the people in the group yet. As well, even though the contest is for overall weight loss, the big bummer is that they cap the amount at 2 pounds per week, max! All of a sudden, those weight loss drops I tend to have some weeks don’t amount to much.

On the plus side, the losing team has to plan the group picnic. I don’t want to plan a picnic, especially with all of the high-carb food that is going to be proposed.

(I’m still thinking about those bean cookies, and the substitutions I’d be dealing with. If potato salad made with applesauce in place of mayonnaise shows up, I’m going to sob into the gingham picnic blanket. )

On the plus side: If we lose, I could bring the fresh vegetable tray and the meat/cheese tray. I could slip those by without too much grief, and then I could eat all of the healthy foods I wish.

Either way, I’m not eating bean cookies, prune cake or applesauce potato salad.
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  1. wishbone says

    I know exactly what you mean about the diet coke fiasco!! I own a bar and grill and have had occasions where “the help” has hooked up the wrong box to the lines! Just because you see a server pouring from a “diet coke” fountain head doesn’t mean crappola!!!!
    SSSHH!!! Old bar trick…….you are never OUT of keg beer!! Just hook up another keg to the line!! People tend to believe what they see when you are pouring it.

  2. Yeah, it’s annoying when it seems like most other people’s idea of “healthy” is NOT to us.

    Of course, a lot of people also think us Atkins followers are about to keel over from a heart attack at any second.
    They fear our butter-drenched veggies and heavy cream desserts.

    And regualar soda pop is SO GROSS now! Amen! I know your life is ultra-busy, but maybe keeping a cooler in the car would help.

    Do the other TOPS members know you are low-carb, and are there any more of you in your group?

    I got my issue of Food and Wine Magazine the other day, and was dissapointed when they had an article on a “health” chef who replaced all the fats in her desserts with fruit and the like.
    I was like “puh-leeaze, gimme REAL food! you’re supposed to advocate butter and cream laden decadence. Fat-free “lite” garbage is readily available at the grocery store.”

    Anyway, I feel ya. Hang in there.

  3. I tried to leave a comment, but don’t know if it worked.
    This is a test. 🙂

  4. I’m a calorie counter myself, so I don’t know how it works if you’re following a low-carb diet, but I’ve always heard that fiber is what fills you up, not fat. I’d think those cookies would be more filling with beans (lots of fiber).

    But… bean cookies? They don’t sound too yummy.

  5. Cognomen says


    The fiber bloats inside your stomach and intestines giving you that “full”

    The right amount of fat in your meal will leave you satiated not “full”.

    Being satisfied is always better and healthier than feeling full.

    I’m with you and Cleo about those bean cookies, yuck!

  6. Anonymous says

    Was this yesterday? If so, maybe it was a BK plot here in the Denver area..

    I stopped for a burger on the way to the soup kitchen, ordered it NO ketchup.. As I was taking the bag, the girl runs over saying she put the wrong one in my sack.. OK, great, thanks for catching that! I open it after I’m on the road and the thing was swimming in ketchup and NO mustard, which is what I wanted…

    I think its a big ‘ol meanie plot…ROFL


  7. I think you’re a great choice for a team leader. Let’s face it: you do seem to have a knack for getting people to listen to/read your ideas. (smile)

    Keep us posted on how the group is progressing.

  8. Hellz yea, I always bring the low carb platter, then defend it from anyone who thinks they’re going to eat my dinner.

    As to the sugar in regular Coke… I am convinced that a spike in sugar like that is very bad for low carbers, too. I know that at least half the times I’ve suddenly eaten something sugary after a few months of low carb, I’ve gotten physically ill. Not stomach ache, mind you, but I’ve come down with a cold! I think it wreaks havoc with the immune system. /conspiracy theorist

  9. cleochatra says

    wishboone! Oooohhhh!! I’m telllllinnngggg! (Kidding)

    That is great information. Thank you!

    tara– One of my favoite things about gourmet cooking was always the higher fat values in the foods. The different cuisines always used fat. It added decadence and an amazing richness to the foods, coupled with some satiety. You keep all of the high-carb and eliminate what gives the flavor and the richness, and you’re left with mung bean cheesecake.

    Some of my TOPS group know that I do not eat processed starches or sugars. I am not daring to utter the “A” word because I could be very wrong, but I have a feeling WWII would break out. Every time I’ve said anything, I’ve received raised eyebrows.

    “You won’t have punch?””You don’t want a cookie?””You’ve lost too much weight so quickly. Isn’t that unsafe?”

    I’ve found that, for me, keeping my lips zipped has helped keep group politics at bay.

    laura– If you’re a low-cal (not low-carb dieter), then you’re absolutely right. Fiber is your mainstay in the stomach. If you’re a low-carber, it’s fat more than fiber.

    So, you’re correct! For the low-cal dieters at TOPS, the beans are an excellent substitution for the fat, who have to stay away from fat because of the highly-refined carbs.

    cognomen–I’m a little worried about what will show up at the picnic!

    Granted, I remember back in the day, I put together a mock guacamole using asparagus… I can’t judge too harshly.

    I’ll just bring the veggie tray.

    Kiki!!! LOL!! I think it is a conspiracy! This was up in Boulder area, but the King’s minions are many…

    mjais– Thank you for your confidence. I just hating pushing people into losing weight (which is supposed to be what I’m doing in the harshest of terms). I’m sorry. If you had a gain last week, I’m not going to call you on the phone and try to tell you what you already know. I will reward people showing up and weighing in, regardless of the gains or losses. Period. To me, it’s more important to support positive life changes rather than those piddly and trifling numbers on the scale.

    Besides– I hate talking on the phone. Most of what I’ll do will either be in person or via snail mail.

    euge– Oh, like you, I was a MESS. My mouth burned, my nasal passages were constricted–and that was only after a few small sips. That stuff is bad.

  10. Anonymous says

    Dana Carpenter has an excellent low-carb “faux” potato salad made with cauliflower….you’d think you were eating a traditional potato salad! Great stuff!

  11. cleochatra says


    I knew there was a faux out there, but didn’t know who made one. I’m going to check out her recipe! Thank you!

  12. Cleo – I remember back in the day (my low fat nightmare days, that is), making tofu cookies. They tasted ok, but I could scarf down a whole batch because I was so hungry so quickly after eating all that starch and sugar laden stuff.

    You really are brave doing the TOPS thing, realizing that you’re basically the only one there who isn’t avoiding fat, and isn’t substituting mounds of high sugar fruits and “healthy whole grains” for the much more satisfying fats.

    (I can’t seem to sign in to blogger today for some reason…)

  13. cleochatra says

    caliann– Oh, you’ve brought back memories! I remember a time I made baking powder biscuits and tried substituting apple jelly for the lard.


    It is a little complex doing TOPS as a low-carber, but I haven’t had any problems. Everyone has been very supportive so far. I have great hope that this will continue!

    I have had so many internet issues today! OMG. Dumb internet…

  14. LessIsMore says

    Kudos to you for using TOPS to your advantage! Decades ago, I was a TOPS member (back in my low-fat days) – We had to fill out a weekly menu sheet and turn it in when we weighed in. I’m assuming your group doesn’t do that? They’d prolly go into shock perusing yours!

    Oh, and that Faux Potato Salad someone mentioned – I’ve made it for family gatherings with my low-fat sisters in attendance. Everyone LOVED it!

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