All the Fage

I’ve always been reticent to try Greek yogurt, or yiaourti if only because the thought of thick, gelatinous cow boob products just sounds painful.

Enter fage. I hated the stuff at first, the thicker-than-sour cream and Ted Koppel’s hair where thickened dairy product meets Noxema facial cleansers. Now I love the stuff and find that I grab a scoop at meals instead of…well,  meals. I need an intervention.

What is fage? Consider an essentially yogurt that’s been strained to a thick, creamy consistency, taken a few steps farther in the process than standard yogurt. More expensive to boot, a little dab’ll literally do ya. It’s the Grecian formula for breakfasts, dressings and anywhere sour cream is usually invited–and for good reason. While you’re generally looking at at least 130 calories for 1 serving of Greek Gods (1/6 of the container) of the full fat, 11 g of total fat (Oikos and several others below boast 0 grams of fat, however), you’re only going to be visited by the Carbo Nostra for a total of 5 grams of carbs. Pretty reasonable.

Fage is so fashionable now, on like botox parties and Spanx; still, watch out for the new-fangled hot messes that contain sugars by way of honey or fruit additions.

Brands to try*: 

  • Greek Gods: per 4 oz serving: Calories : 130, Fat: 11g, Carbohydrates: 5g, Protein: 4g
  • Oikos per 1 cup serving: Calories: 130, Fat: 0g, Carbohydrates: 9g, Protein: 23g
  • Fage Total Yogurt: per 8 ounce serving: Calories: 300, Fat: 23g, Carbohydrates: 7g, Protein: 15g (save $.50 on your next purchase by visiting their site. link)
  • Chobani:  per 6 oz serving: Calories: 100, Fat: 0g, Carbohydrates: 7g, Protein: 18g
  • Brown Cow All Natural Greek Yogurt:  per 5 oz serving: Calories: 80, Fat: 0g, Carbohydrates: 6g, Protein: 15g
  • Trader Joe’s Organic Non-Fat Greek Yogurt: per 1 cup serving: Calories: 90, Fat: 0g, Carbohydrates: 7g, Protein: 15g

*Disclaimah holla: I don’t own stock in or get kickbacks from any of these companies, and all information is gleaned from their websites or from

If you’re feeling especially kinky, try fage made from goat’s milk for the full-on pucker that’ll make you think you were riding with your drunk memaw again.

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