Oops! Dolly Madison cleanup in aisle seven!

Molly Angel, move over. The b#tch has arrived, and she wants a doughnut.

I went to the store the other day and bought my kids a box of those leftover bakery donuts for $2. That’s a great price. I figured it’d be a great treat. For them.

So, even after losing 24 pounds in two weeks of a clean induction, turns out I ate a few, too.

Cue the Fail horn:

You know, the weird thing is that doughnuts aren’t even a weakness of mine, least they weren’t in the past. When I last did Atkins, my weakness was caramel popcorn. I didn’t even much like doughnuts when I wasn’t low carbing. I never much normally enjoyed caramel popcorn, either.

So how I succumbed to a few lumps of dough schmeared with corn syrup solids and some doodads when I’ve fought off every other temptation is a trousers travesty.

Just remember that foods you might never have paid any attention to in the past might jump off of the counter and into your mouth while you are singing to a righteous Journey song, and I refuse to think Steve Perry had anything to do with the doughnut deviance of 2011.

But still. It happened to me. They were Ninja doughnuts.

I also admit (since I’m in confession), I also took the opportunity to sample some potato chips, some cottage cheese and ate at Subway with my husband (I took the day off by that point). I didn’t go nuts, but I wasn’t a paragon of virtue– more like a polygon. But enough about that.

Why am I spilling my beans? Is this Bowling for Sympathy? Oh, hell to the no. It’s important for you to know that I’m a real person with awesome hair and sensible footwear and I still occasionally screw up.

Don’t tell my kids. They’re waiting for that window of opportunity to ask after some Ding Dongs. Lord knows I don’t need Hostess slapping me with a sexual harassment lawsuit. 

Lessons learned:

  • You’re not always as ironclad  as you think you are, so bringing foods into the house–even the ones you might not think will affect you–could be a bad deal.
  • Falling off of the wagon can happen occasionally. Just get over it and keep going.
  • I won’t buy anything else like that “for the kids,” (I rarely do anyway) and if I do, they get one each, to be consumed immediately.

Plan of action after you done fell off the wagon:

  • Toe the line. Eat a higher fat, moderate protein weekend as close to biologically zero as possible, drinking a lot of water. 
  • Stay out of the kitchen. To my credit, while I knew I had deviated, I did make a delicious crock pot roast, knowing I’d need some quick, easy noshings to keep me from the kitchen. 
  • For cravings, take l-glutamine, l-carnitine and chromium picolinate.  
  • Don’t step on the scale until Thursday, the normal weigh in day. It won’t do anyone any good to to do it sooner. I mean, think about it: you didn’t gain, so the donuts must be OK; or, you gained, oh noes! Time for a muffin. No thanks!

Be good and mind those slings and arrows, Your Lighter Siders! And those Ninja doughnuts. But not the sweet, dulcimer tones of Steve Perry.

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  1. Been there, done that!LOL! It's when a "going off track" creates days and days of problems, that's the real danger (in my humble opinion).

    I'm with you…"get over it and keep going." Good advice:)

  2. I've heard that fail horn many, many times! Nevertheless, I just keep chugging along, thanks to inspiration from this blog and others!

  3. Former Donut Junkie says

    Oh girl! I thought you knew to leave the donuts to the pros like me. NOT! This Former Donut Junkie has fallen for a donut more often than Charlie Sheen has fallen for a quick fix. Unlike you, I developed a love, OK it's a lust, for donuts over the last half century that's not easy to break. They utter my name and whisper sweet nuthins in both ears that run chills up and down my spine. So many times I've left her like a bad girlfriend, swearing we shall never contact each other again. But I find myself wondering how she's doing and just innocently drop by to make sure she's OK. Knowing within me that I'll fall for her sweetness one more time.

    Today I started over again. Thanks to your inspiring me with your 14 day clean induction. Just returned with steak, ground beef, salad, water and of course BACON! I'm going for 21 days of clean induction, hoping that 3 weeks away from my X will be long enough to remember her only as the wicked b*tch she really is.

    None of us are perfect and I have to remind myself that this is about the 'long run'. I'm trying to see the big picture and in the grand scheme of things my failure is a blip on the radar screen. The main thing is we're not giving up and giving in. We're still fighting the fight. "You're not finished when you're defeated….you're finished when you quit." –Van Crouch

    Thanks girl for all you do. And for all your honest, open and transparent posts. We're in this together and together we're gonna win. By the way, if you see my X please give her this message…"Bend over and grab your ankles, and put your head between your legs, cause you can kiss your a** goodbye!"

    Ron, aka The Former Donut Junkie

  4. I thoroughly enjoyed your blog today. ! 🙂

    Its good to know that you are taking vitamins as well.

    Are you exercising at all ?

  5. Jamie it's good to know that you have awesome hair and sensible shoes. 🙂 I figured as much by reading your blog. Hehe.

    Things like this happen, they happened to me. Just last night I had some corn chips because I was drunk and too drunk to find anything LC to eat so I don't hurl. TMI? I know.

    I still love you girl and I like knowing that you struggle as much as we, regular people (not LB blog goddesses who's blog comes up first when doing a google search on low carb– congrats btw!) do. This just makes you all the more endearing and all the more precious.

    We continue to fight the good fight, together.

  6. I luv you girl lol…..sometimes i am reading and thinking you must be my twin…….I went through the caramel popcorn thing last year too….and I never liked the stupid stuff before low carb lol
    The climbing right back onto the wagon is definitely the key to success. I am getting better at it…used to take me months after a slip up now maybe a day…or two ;)….(up to now I can never do the 'back on the wagon with the next thing in my mouth sceanario')lol
    Anyways thank you for keepiing it real and for letting us know you are in fact human too…. just like us lol

  7. Thanks so much for your honesty and permission to be human. My granddaughters were here for 26 hours this weekend and I did the same thing! Back at it today!!

  8. Been there! Just gotta get back on the horse!

  9. TheWhatIfGirl says

    Man. That happened to me this weekend at a writing conference. A day old donut. and a cookie. I am not a donut freak. Thanks for the eloquence on it.

  10. It happens. Some cake did the same thing to me.
    And a What-A-Burger. This summer.
    Just got right in my mouth.
    So hey Missa ChickPea!
    It's all good.
    Next we'll be hearing the *bing*bing*bing*
    sound of some wonderful advancing prize-thing!
    (What ever that means!)

  11. There must be something in the Cosmos…a discount truffle that I'd hoarded from an after-Christmas sale just did the same thing to me. Then, with the utmost disrespect, it brought a friend along and it, too, jumped right into my mouth. Can you believe it? Such nerve!

    In the past, I'd use this little affair of the tastebuds as an excuse to give up and eat every nasty carby thing in the house, but today, I'm just going to move along, back toward that wagon that I left around here somewhere.

    Thanks for the inspiration to get back on track in spite of hari-kari chocolates (and donuts!)

  12. Jamie aka Carbarella says

    Boy, do I suck. My computer has been the pits and all I have to show for it is a doughnut post.

    It's a good thing you love me. At this point, I'm giving myself the face palm. I am glad to report I think the doughnut incident was also PMS-related, which makes me feel slightly less neurotic. Still, no excuses! I should know better.

    Thank you for your kind words, Lucy (I so agree. Done and gone), missyg (thanks so much for inspiring me, too), Ron (LOL on your missive), bayoubabe (I am not really exercising right now, but I'm moving more due to increased energy!), Dee (I love you, too), Lisa (putting more butt glue on the wagon), Connie (way to go for getting right back on track!), TracyMitch (luckily for the horse it wasn't custard-filled), WhatIf
    Girl (you have fantastic constitution to so behave at a conference! Way to go for getting right back to it!), Anne– (Whataburger is the best. I miss those. Braum's too), Lisa– very eloquently put!

    *fist bumps for the continued effort! Progress over perfection*

  13. I could relate to everything you said, and it had me rolling with laughter this morning as I sat her eating my slimy hardboiled eggs for breakfast.

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