My Evil Beast. My Oven (Day 102)

I accidentally typed, “My Evil Breast” and thankfully caught that almost immediately. Can you see the movie promo now? “Her cups runneth over… with eeevvviiillll…. Evil Breasts. The scariest ‘B’ movie you’ll ever see.”

Speaking of bees and my unfortunate typographical error…

What do you call ghost bees? Boo Bees!

OK, now that comedy moment is over (be sure to tip your waitress and try the chicken), my kitchen tried to very nearly kill me today. My stove went renegade, flashed an F1 error at me, and then proceeded to attempt to scorch my bacon. I know, right?

Thankfully, I pulled the bacon out in time, but I could not get the stove to shut off regardless what I tried. As it beeped and booped and continued to catch things inside on fire, I was googling to find out what I was supposed to do next. I was ultimately without power for an hour, because I couldn’t figure out which circuit switch to flip to cool the oven down enough to unplug it from the wall. Anyway, the stove is now unplugged and pulled away from the wall, but I’m not pleased at all. At least the house is still here! And I was able to clean behind the stove.

And I have a chain saw. Yes, oven, if you are reading this, I do know where Maynard is, and his blades have been sharpened. Remember that.

As an aside, my friend Brad casually asked me about my fire extinguisher. I say, why ruin the bacon?

Update: It turns out that there’s something wrong with the oven that made it malfunction (okay, so overstating the obvious is a my gift to you), so I might have to go and buy another stove if we can’t figure this out. I hope not. As much as I would love to have a new (read: not malfunctioning) stove, I don’t have the wherewithal to shop appliances right now. Toaster oven, anyone?

The irony of this situation is I had forgotten that the door handle of the oven KEPT FALLING OFF (it’s amazing what selective memory can accomplish). Kelle reminded me. Thank you, Kelle.

Now on to how I’ve been doing with our Mid-Year Challenge… Be sure to do your thing. I am thrilled share my progress and thoughts, but I’m not the person you should necessarily look to for dieting advice (I’m not a paid nosh-a-titian). Be sure to subscribe for updates by adding your email right (in the sidebar) or through Feedburner in the title bar up top. You can also click the tab up top that says Mid-Year Resolution for regular updates.

Tuesday, December 4

I ate this:
Breakfast: Nothing. Taco Star was so filling yesterday, I am still full. Insane, but it’s a ton of food. I should weigh my nachos the next time I order…
Lunch: Cottage cheese, olives, sunflower seeds and shredded Parmesan Cheesee
Dinner: Red Robin Southwest Chicken Salad (Well, most of it anyway). It had more carbs than I suspected, but it’s fine. I’ll just be especially not-silly the rest of the week.

 Running in and out of the house finding the right circuit breakers to shut the stove down. It was like HAL. Evil oven with brains that wanted to eat my face. And burn my bacon.

Notes: I need to clean behind my oven more often.

What I learned:

I am so motivated by the last few weeks of our weight loss challenge that I didn’t even consider all of the amazing things that have changed for me with the 50 pounds I’ve lost. I ran up and down the stairs several times to shutdown the oven breaker. I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning the sides and back of the stove (and the floor behind it). I am still cooking four different meals today for more savory recipes to share with you. I even have the energy to go to a crowded building for a holiday music concert (I don’t like crowds), and I will maybe even be more comfortable in the seat. I ran in and outside several times with the camera to photograph some recipes I’m working through.

All of those things, and in circumstances that would typically have me so overwhelmed, I wouldn’t be able to function in the past.

Little things used to make me really anxious. Today I am a warrior! I’m like, “Come at me bro.”

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  1. Jamie, you just slay me….BWAHAHAAHAHA!!! Love your blogs, as always!! Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, and beware the Evil Breasts!!! <3

  2. Jenn Morandi says

    BAHAHAHAH! Is your chainsaw named Maynard?
    You’re hysterical, girl. Thanks for the giggles and inspiration!

  3. When I worked in a law office, I accidentally sent a letter to the Friend of the Court (for probate court matters, usually involving children) addressed to the Fiend of the Court. Fortunately, she was a friend and we got a laugh from it.

    Just found your site last week and am loving the recipes-the oopsie rolls and bacon cheeseburgers got my husband on board with me. I am inspired by your weight loss, like your humor and can’t wait to try more recipes. Sorry about your stove–it must have been out of its mind to try to burn bacon. Poor thing.

    • How funny! I love your story. It’s a good thing people get a kick out of these errors, isn’t it? I am so glad you took the time to write and share your experience, and how you like the oopsies, too!

  4. Sharon Palmer-Brownstein says

    Jamie, I too almost burned down my kitchen. But it was my fault (oh darn). I have a bad habit of hanging wet kitchen towels in the oven (after it is turned off) to try. One Sunday I was cooking up my usual low-carb storm and started seeing smoke coming out of the top of the oven. I opened it up and the most acrid, eye-burning smoke hit me right in the face. Sure enough, I forgot to take the towel out before I turned on the oven. I grabbed the towel and threw it into the sink to extinguish the flames, and then turned on the floor fan to push the smoke out the open kitchen window. Once I got my wits back again, I called my significant other, Jim, and said to him, “You’re not going to guess what I just almost did.” His comment was, “Burn the kitchen down?” To which I responded, “Yes.” His response was, “You’ll do almost anything to get the kitchen remodeled and have the double oven you so desperately need and want.”

    I feel your pain, but how exciting to actually get a new oven. I am so envious!!

    Take care and don’t burn anything down.

    Sharon 🙂

    • That is a hilarious story! I knew I was in trouble as soon as I opened the oven door and the oxygen ignited something on the bottom of the stove. I am thinking I’ll go with an inexpensive range this time around, but in the future, maybe I’ll spring for something a little more snazzapples.

      So, did Jim give you that kitchen remodel?

  5. My oven had the element in the bottom arc out – sounded like when a transformer on a pole does that, only in the oven. Took out the power in the whole house (so I didn’t have to chase circuit breakers) and burned a hole in my oven…and ruined it. Very scary thing, especially when you are cooking and don’t expect your oven to blow up. So I had to go oven/stove shopping not long ago, too.

    • Blurg! I am glad your house didn’t go up in flames with the oven! Mine went ballistic, so I had to go and get a new one last night. It won’t get here until next Wednesday though. 🙁

  6. Connie Sullivan says

    Congratulations on all you have accomplished, Jamie. It’s just awesome. Don’t forget to give yourself huge props for it all. And, thanks for making me chuckle outloud!!

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