Friday, oh Heck Yes!

I like Fridays more than I used to. I’ve never been a fan of weekends. The measured chaos of the week turns to stage five, brown-level crazy come Saturday. I’m feeling more glad now that a Colorado winter is turning into a Wisconsin spring. I can get outside more and survey the damage to the blackberry bushes.

Last year my stupid dog ate the blackberries down to their nubs. Ate the whole ding danged shrub (they’re thornless). I nearly cried. Knowing that blackberry plants only put out fruit on year-old growth, it takes another year for any hope of emerging fruit to show itself. The irony? Dumb dog caused new and invigorated growth in the blackberries. Now they’re more prolific than ever. I have hope for blackberries this year. Pies, cheesecakes, yogurt, jams, you name it!

Growing my own low-glycemic fruits and vegetables not only can be pretty easy (when evil dogs don’t eat them) but they can be real money-savers as well. I use a zucchini per pizza crust. If I grow zucchini, I can shred the stuff and freeze it for pizzas later on. I also want to give a shot this year to spaghetti squash, pumpkins, and blueberries. We also grow cherries and heirloom/antique apples. I’m not a great gardener, but strawberries tend to take care of themselves when stupid, devil, idiot dogs don’t eat them.

Like she tried to the new bicycle inner tubes this morning.

No Failure to Lunch…

Tomorrow I’m going to a mother’s lunch where we eat mother things and our grade schoolers eat grade schooler things. I jokingly asked if I could bring a cauliflower pizza and they were like, “YEAH! Do it!” One friend told me she reads my column weekly, and had seen the recipe and wants to try it (code: man, that looks like it has to taste like crap, so I’m not wasting ingredients).

They know me well by now, so they put up with me doing these kinds of things.

I might make a zucchini crust instead, since it is very mild, or I might make a hybrid– half-cauli and half zucchini. The pizza will be plain–just cheese and sauce– because I’m not going to try and hide the vegetables in the crust. I want to make a point that it’s not something one can even taste.

Gigantopants no more!

I’m retaining water due to those feminine things (shakes fist at Eve for eating that high sodium apple), but I’m wearing 2x yoga pants instead of 4X so this is me not complaining. I was going to put on a pair of 4X, but they’re really big, and heavy. I wanted some 3X yoga pants, but they’re downstairs in the laundry, and my kids screamed the last time I jiggled through the basement in my underthings to find a piece of clothing.

I almost fell over trying to put the size 2 pants on. They’re smaller and don’t just slip on like 4X pants do. If you’ve never been big, you take for granted a couple things: 1. that big pants take up big drawer space; and 2. big shirts take up big drawer space. I was extremely short on dresser these last few months due to the fact that my gigantopants took up about 1/3 of an entire drawer. Not only that, but they weigh a ton. I didn’t notice until now how much fabric is needed for bigger clothes. I’m going to get rid of the 4X clothes and start moving towards the 2X for the last time (I refuse to regain the weight ever again).

I told my husband, “When I hit goal, I don’t care what it takes. Sew my lips shut if you need to. I’ll eat through a hole in my neck.” I’m not sure how much I meant this, but the weight is coming off and staying off for the last time.

Sometimes I wonder if weight loss surgery shouldn’t really be offered as “Weight Maintenance Surgery”. In other words, you lose the weight, and then they band your stomach (or your mouth) to keep patients from regaining the weight. Doesn’t this make sense?

The dialog would go something like this:

Me: “Hello Doctor! I am here to tell you that I want you to band my stomach.”

Him: “But you weigh 130 pounds (author: shut up, people! I can dream.).”

Me: “But doesn’t it make sense to give someone a lap band to KEEP the weight off, rather than artificially creating a no-hunger environment in the beginning before good eating habits, exercise and weight loss have even kicked in?”

Him: “Well, “he would begin pensively, “we could sew your lips shut and put a hole in your neck….”