What an awful idea it is to tell folks who wake up at 6 am to wake up at 5 am. I feel like I’ve been hit with a Little Debbie Snack Cake truck and didn’t even get to eat any of the wreckage.
My kids are zombies, and my hair smacked me upside the head and told me it was going back to sleep. And it did.
Now I’m sitting here looking at a honey mustard packet and the sun coming over the horizon, and I’m thinking that it’s exciting to be on a weight loss plan where the losses are fairly consistent. I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale.
I’m down 5 more pounds for the week.
But still. Scales. Do you ever want to throttle yours? Mine laughs, mockingly, at me with a French accent, and it gives me 2-3 different readings per weigh in. I always take the highest from the night before in that case. I hate getting my hopes plastered to the ceiling only to have it fall on my head. I always thought a digital scale was going to be some fun.
You press on the scale and step back. Once the digits “zero” out, you have a window of time to replace yourself there again, and you have to be precise. If you step on the thing too early it yells, “No! Get off of me! I wasn’t ready!” I look at the scale. It takes a deep breath and braces itself. “OKOKOK. Try me now.” It grunts noticeably, but it keeps comments to itself, muttering in a dialect.
Now I took French in high school for four years. I always planned to visit a French-speaking area of the world someday. I enrolled in a community college and continued to study French for two more years parce que j’adore la langue Francaise.
I had precisely two victories having had taken that much French.
1. French insults are amazingly cool. Telling people to go to hell in French sounds exquisite. Plus, you could call people’s parents stuff like goat lickers to make them mad. Apparently, animal names are big insults in French. Considering what people tend to call people’s own parents in English, let alone other people’s folks, there was never any end to the French ‘dozens’ so long as you knew the names of enough farm animals in France.
2. I could tell what the shrieking French neighbor was yelling at her son: “Etienne! Do not eat the sand!”
There are some, within the country of France– some academia, mostly– who feel the French language is being fouled by the languages of others, and who want to take the language back to a pure French tongue. Frankly, I hope they don’t do it. Such an attitude of intellectual and linguistic snobbery might elicit a similar backlash from other nations.
And, frankly, I don’t know what else I’d call Yoplait or Grey Poupon.
Votre loss d’avoirdupois est magnifique! Keep on truckin’, Daylight Savings or not!
Merci! Mais je suis plus grande!
Here’s to our hanging in there even when God is hitting His snooze alarm.
Barbara B says
Your writing is so entertaining, you must look into getting published. Thanks for yet another laugh!
I really enjoy your blog! Great recipes! Congrats on the five pound loss!!!
I tried the oopsie rolls and loved them!!! I just had a sandwich with bacon, less salt kind, and mayo…delicious!!! I am struggling though with losing the weight and I see you just lost another 5, AWESOME!! Can you tell me how many carbs do you eat in a day, approx, rough estimate?? Also do you follow Atkins book? Any help would be great. Thanks so much.
Former Donut Junkie says
I’ve got a digital scale also, and I hate when it laughs at me! Worse than that is when it jokingly says, “only one person at a time please!”
Ron, aka The Former Donut Junkie
The Mumma says
Hey Cleo..Thanks for you sweet comments on my blog.. Yes beetroot is beets. I wonder if you can buy it in a can like we do here in Australia? anyways it is Yumbo.
Fun post, but I am still obsessing over the cauli and zuchinni pizza crusts.
My mom’s keeps turning out mushy – so you know what could be going wrong?
It tastes great, but won’t hold up.
How do you keep the vegetables from getting watery in the oven?
Thanks a bunch!
I hear ya on the Daylight Savings Time thing….and what’s up with it coming so early this year? It’s still WINTER for crying out loud.
Sorry to hear you are at war with your French-speaking scale. Hah! I have a Health-O-Meter I bought years ago from some online store. It goes up to 400 pounds and you just step on it, and it tells you your weight sans snooty comments. No 8 second timer or anything. It’s super accurate. Once it decides what you weigh you can step on it 10 times and it gives you the same number. Accurate to half a pound. It only cost about 60 bucks. I love it!
Have a great LC day!
Yes, I agree on trying to get published-you are very good!
Congrats on the weight loss- I am planning to make the califlower pizza, but am confused to what rice califlower is. Am I just stupid?
Couldn’t agree with you more!! That’s why I called in on Monday!!
Hi, I just discovered your blog and I am really anxious to try your recipes and you’re hilarious too!!!
Thanks for the laughs and the great recipes!!
barbara– You are so nice! I read your comment and I am so humbled. I appreciate very much your generous compliment! I’m working on it. We’ll see.
cc1sillygoose– Thank you so much! I biffed the loss. I actually lost MORE. Can you believe it? It cracks me up. Usually I’m wrong the other way.
Your picture is so cute! You are adorable.
Dev– I always use low-sodium bacon, too! I eat less than 20 carbs per day (most days) and follow Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution, which was published in 2002. I ignore everything he says about using shakes or Atkins convenience foods, and I try to never have an emergency where I’m not at least armed with oopsie rolls!
For me, it has been very important to mention that I exercise most days of the week for at least an hour (I walk on the treadmill while watching Babylon 5 (yes I know it’s a show from the 90’s)).
This has helped me to lose a lot of weight very quickly.
LOL Ron– Those cheeky cheeky scales! I think mine snacks secretly.
mumma– Thank you so much! My husband loves beets! I will have to try them!
hummingbird– I’m emailing you in a few minutes! Thanks for your comment!
anonymous with the soggy cauli crust– No worries! Continue baking the crust at 450 degrees until you feel the crust is more solid. I will sometimes go ahead and add the toppings and then just cook the pizza at 450, especially when the cauliflower is too moist.
I’ve also taken to squeezing the water out of the cauli with my hands after shredding.
The last bag of cauliflower I bought had a bunch of wretched little pieces, all becoming super-absorbed with water through cooking. It was a potential disaster. I had to cook my crust longer this time and squeeze out excess water from the cauliflower!
I feel your pain!
I hope your next pizza comes out perfectly for you!
Mona– I am going to have to look into your scale. That 8 second window makes me nervous. Without the accompanying drum roll it’s an anti climax of weighing proportions.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
thorngren– thank you!
I love you.
The riced cauliflower is cauliflower that is grated with a cheese shredder/grater (or in a food processor) either pre-or-post cooking.
If you look along the right side of the blog underneath the blog roll, under side dishes, you’ll see how to rice cauliflower. It really opens a lot of doors to cutting out ‘real’ rice. I never miss rice now!
If you can’t find it, let me know and I’ll link.
Thank you, maryg!
I hope you had a good day of respite. I wanted a nap all day yesterday, and drank more caffeinated beverages than I had in a long time.
The copious amounts of visits to the rest rooms tell our tales.
Dana Seilhan says
My family is Cajun. I learned something interesting about Cajun vs. Standard French. In Cajun, a raccoon is le chaouis. It was picked up from Choctaw and means something like “it washes its hands.”
In France a raccoon is a raton laveur. Meaning “washing rat.”
I keep meaning to write to the Academie and bug them about this, because if any animal is a rodent, it ain’t a raccoon.
They took on the Quebeçois term for email, le courriel, so I have hope things will change. OK, a few grains of hope, but still.
Moi, je ne parle pas le français très bien. I’m the generation after the Lost Generation. But for some reason I still think of it as “my” language.
Awesome blog. I don’t think I would like to be irl friends with you, because I would spend half my time pissing my pants. You are hilarious, ma’am. Keep up the good work.