Molly Angel, move over. The b#tch has arrived, and she wants a doughnut.
I went to the store the other day and bought my kids a box of those leftover bakery donuts for $2. That’s a great price. I figured it’d be a great treat. For them.
So, even after losing 24 pounds in two weeks of a clean induction, turns out I ate a few, too.
Cue the Fail horn:
You know, the weird thing is that doughnuts aren’t even a weakness of mine, least they weren’t in the past. When I last did Atkins, my weakness was caramel popcorn. I didn’t even much like doughnuts when I wasn’t low carbing. I never much normally enjoyed caramel popcorn, either.
So how I succumbed to a few lumps of dough schmeared with corn syrup solids and some doodads when I’ve fought off every other temptation is a trousers travesty.
Just remember that foods you might never have paid any attention to in the past might jump off of the counter and into your mouth while you are singing to a righteous Journey song, and I refuse to think Steve Perry had anything to do with the doughnut deviance of 2011.
But still. It happened to me. They were Ninja doughnuts.
I also admit (since I’m in confession), I also took the opportunity to sample some potato chips, some cottage cheese and ate at Subway with my husband (I took the day off by that point). I didn’t go nuts, but I wasn’t a paragon of virtue– more like a polygon. But enough about that.
Why am I spilling my beans? Is this Bowling for Sympathy? Oh, hell to the no. It’s important for you to know that I’m a real person with awesome hair and sensible footwear and I still occasionally screw up.
Don’t tell my kids. They’re waiting for that window of opportunity to ask after some Ding Dongs. Lord knows I don’t need Hostess slapping me with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
- You’re not always as ironclad as you think you are, so bringing foods into the house–even the ones you might not think will affect you–could be a bad deal.
- Falling off of the wagon can happen occasionally. Just get over it and keep going.
- I won’t buy anything else like that “for the kids,” (I rarely do anyway) and if I do, they get one each, to be consumed immediately.
Plan of action after you done fell off the wagon:
- Toe the line. Eat a higher fat, moderate protein weekend as close to biologically zero as possible, drinking a lot of water.
- Stay out of the kitchen. To my credit, while I knew I had deviated, I did make a delicious crock pot roast, knowing I’d need some quick, easy noshings to keep me from the kitchen.
- For cravings, take l-glutamine, l-carnitine and chromium picolinate.
- Don’t step on the scale until Thursday, the normal weigh in day. It won’t do anyone any good to to do it sooner. I mean, think about it: you didn’t gain, so the donuts must be OK; or, you gained, oh noes! Time for a muffin. No thanks!
Be good and mind those slings and arrows, Your Lighter Siders! And those Ninja doughnuts. But not the sweet, dulcimer tones of Steve Perry.