Trying not to scare anyone

I went to a weight loss support group yesterday.

I knew the loss was going to be huge, but I didn’t want to go in there with a 8 pound loss the very first time I weighed in. I mean, it’s not easy to claim you lost a Butterball turkey in water weight in just one week. So, before the meeting, I drank water. And I ate bacon, hoping to retain more water. Then I drank more soda. Then I ate more bacon. I had to use the restroom something fierce when I waddled into the waiting room where folks are in line to be weighed.

Now, there are good advantages to having a large group of folks in a weight loss group and bad advantages.

Good advantage: A lot of folks for support and a good time.

Bad advantage: A lot of folks in front of you in line to be weighed and you now have to wee.

It just never occurred to me before that point that so many of the folks would use canes and walkers, and especially not when they’re in line in front of me, and I’m there with a bladder pulsing like a quasar. There goes Mahetabel: Step. Step. Readjust. Step. Step. Readjust. I was ready to scoop up the feeble woman in my arms and race her to the scale, weigh her myself, write, “Woohoo” in her weight loss book (numbers? There are numbers on the scale?) and jump in line after her.

Unfortunately, as I’m kicking my shoes off, one lady waved her cane in the air yelling, “I’m in line next! I just went to the restroom. Hang on a minute!” By this time, June is shuffling across the floor and I’m biting onto the nearby piano.

Finally, in what seemed 33 people later, some armed with shoe horns, I waddled to the scale and sucked in as much air as I thought would keep me from being insanely low in the numbers.

I exhaled when she read, “Five and three quarters pounds.”

Yes! I did it! I managed to drink almost three pounds of water! The ladies were still flummoxed, however. “Five pounds. Isn’t that a lot?” I shifted from leg to leg, because we all know that’s where you store the extra water.

I answered, “Not really. It’s just water weight!” and with that, I grabbed my weight recording book and ran for the bathroom. I got there, too– just in time to see the door close behind Mahetabel.